Friday, February 25, 2011

tender

I feel like I've come to the end of a marathon. Not bursting through the ribbon (whatever that might feel like...) but knowing the finish line's in sight, taking my time in these last yards to slow down, slump a little, and entrust myself back to my own body. Right now that means giving myself permission to be in bed (at an unspecified godly hour), with a 'to do' list that's so pared back, its a hieroglyph. Even I can't work out what it means.
The reasons for the past busyness are multiple. I remind myself that at some level, all have been chosen. I am glorying in the recent decisions to take back my power, or rather to use it to make decisions that create space for the part of me that is 'being'. Occasionally I'm tempted to dream about the creative pursuits that I would love to follow up on. Then I'm aware that again I'm 'doing'. I have an image of me as rider and ridden; now bridled, I'm gently pulling - slower pam, slower... good girl. (Pat to the flanks.) Fetlocks - all four - can feel there's grass underfoot. Settling. Settled.
This slowing into more space and time, carries a sense of inhabiting a bigger envelope. A bigger place to breathe into. One of the clear night-thought whispers last night was: tend your body. Not a command. Almost a promise. My physical body, yet somehow more than this body, which time will reveal.
And (my hope) - all with gentleness. Tenderly.

2 comments:

  1. Yes, you must treat yourself tenderly, Pam. You've been through a month-long tumult. I'm all for resting in bed, with a to do list that looks positively hieroglyphic. that sounds like absolutely the way you take care of yourself. And your poor body which has borne the stress and strain of all the commotion is ready for rest and quiet and to be treated with the utmost care and love. Let us know if we can help xo

    ReplyDelete